Arguably the highlight of any episode of Modern Family is when Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell) opens his mouth and casts his unique blend of wisdom and wit on a topic.
As a new-found fan of Mr. Dunphy's vocal brilliance, I decided to put together a quick collection of some of his best quotes from Modern Family.
If this tickles your funny bone, click here to read my review of season 1 of Modern Family and my thoughts on the show. Also, if your into warped wisdom, you can find some more brilliant quotes from the deluded (and somehow, genius) Karl Pilkington by clicking on this link.
Take it away Phil...
On naming his fists
"I'm going to introduce him to the Captain...and Tenille."
"I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women. Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condolezza Rice, Serena Williams...wait a minute?"
On the iPad
"The iPad comes out on my actual birthday. It's like Steve Jobs and God got together to say, "We love you, Phil"
"That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial"
"Claire's a perfectionist, which sometimes is a good thing, like when it comes to picking a husband."
On being a cool dad
"I'm cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face"
|WWPDD: What would Phil Dunphy do?|
"If you love something, set it free. Unless it's a tiger"
"Key to a good birthday? Low expectations"
"Trust me, I had plenty of fun in my time. Then, I met your mom"
On problem solving
"Claire likes to say, 'You can be part of the problem or part of the solution.' But I happen to believe you can be both"
"She's one of my 447 friends. Everyone wants a slice"
On being a comedian
"I was 11 years old. I hit ten straight fastballs in the batting cage, then my friend Jeff Sweeney took one in the groin. I yelled 'ball two!' Everybody laughed. That's when I knew I was funny"
"Let's get Phil-sical"
"So they've asked me to Phil-in"
On riding motorbikes
"I'm not nervous, I've had hogs bigger than this between my legs"
"These jeans just slipped onto me so perfectly, my name must be 'Pantserella'"
On film and cinema
"Why do I have to watch a French movie, I didn't do anything wrong?!"
"Sad face emoticon, I can feel the hurt through the phone"
Inventing new swear words
"Sweet and sour chicken!"
"It's like you're shaking hands, but you're not using your hands. At all"